If this is you, do yourself a favor and stop coaching youth sports |
There are a few pieces of advice my father doled out in my childhood that stayed with me:
- Always open the door for a lady.
- Don't eat the yellow snow.
- The road to hell is paved with good intentions.
My first foray into coaching was in 2009 when I assisted the first year the boys played football. Coaching on the Colts was actually a very positive experience for the kids and I really enjoyed it far more than I thought I would. The head coach was positive and made it a priority to teach all the boys how to play football. Everyone had a chance to play different positions and while trying to win was important, teaching and mentoring was really the order of the day. Here's a picture of our happy experience right before our final game against the pesky Seahawks.
Yes, I'm a visor guy! |
The head coach of the Packers (Let's call him Coach Whistle) was in his first year coaching and was VERY eager to begin. Coach Whistle made it a point of letting me know that he played high school football and that he had a scholarship to a Division III school but due to some circumstances that were never really explained to me, he was unable to accept the scholarship. On the team that year, we had 16 kids (it was 8 on 8 football) and only four kids - including my two - had played football before. I could go on and on (and on and on and on) about how miserable that year was for just about every kid on the team that year. He assigned specific positions for each kid, made winning a priority (remember, all the kids on this team were seven), and generally rewarded talented but lazy kids over the hard working average ones. To make a long story short, I was asked to step down from coaching by Coach Whistle before the regular season even began because it was very clear that Coach Whistle and I were going the Buddy Ryan/Kevin Gilbride route. If you are unfamiliar with this reference, please enjoy the below:
After the debacle with the Packers, I did end up coaching soccer and baseball which were both fantastic experiences. I was the head coach for spring soccer which is sort of a sport. I mean, is it really a sport when the players wear silk shorts and knee-high socks? But I digress....coaching soccer was a lot of fun for me, and more importantly, all the kids. We lost more games than we won but each kid had a chance - at least once - to play every position.
After baseball season, I announced my retirement from coaching youth sports in a tear-filled ceremony broadcast live on ESPN 8, "The Ocho". And, you want to know what happened? I really began to enjoy youth sports again! I was able to just be a dad and be filled with pride as I watched Drew and Mitch give every ounce of effort even though they still didn't play a whole lot due to Mr. Whistle's preference of winning.
Smash cut to our recent move to Nashville and the kids were begging Sandy and me to play football again. While we had our reservations (the radical religion of football in the SEC being one of them), we relented and they are playing in a Pop Warner program, the Franklin Cowboys. This is their "game face":
So mean....so very mean. |
And, as my luck would have it, I was asked to come out of retirement to help coach the team. Being the "new guy" and all, it seemed like a great idea. Well, much like Sugar Ray Leonard, I think I should have stayed retired. I've seen kids yelled at, embarrassed, and, on more than one occasion, humiliated. There are 21 kids on the team and eight of them are playing both ways (both offense and defense) so you have 13 kids fighting for the six other spots which. The coach (let's call him Coach Ditka) drives these kids - who are nine and ten - so hard that several of them have been reduced to tears. And, it's put me in the position of building the kids back up after he screams and spits at them for snapping the ball wrong or getting out of position when playing linebacker. Honestly, it's a role I don't mind but I hate that these kids desperately need someone to make them feel better after the coach beats them down verbally. And, before you suggest I say something to the coach, I have in my own sarcastic, slightly humorous way. All it does is make it appear that I'm focusing only on my kids (I'm not) and that tends to make it worse for them.
I realize that my view on this will make me sound like a ninny and, frankly, I don't care. I realize that at some point in all of our sporting careers we won't be good enough to start or even make the team. However, I think that the ages of nine and ten are a little early for that necessary fact of life. Plus, I don't think that kids need to be humiliated in front of their peers and parents to correct an on-the-field transgression.
My goals as a coach have always been the following:
- Teach the kids the fundamentals of the sport
- Learn how to win and lose gracefully
- Be fair to each kid and give them a chance to play
- Learn how to do your job within the scope of the team
- At the end of the season, I want each kid to say, "That was awesome! I can't wait to do it again next year"
I know that both Coach Whistle and Coach Ditka had good intentions when they agreed to coach their respective football teams but those intentions have morphed into a burning desire to win and win at all costs. The funny thing about it is that both of them are good guys when they aren't coaching football. Maybe they get sucked into a world where they feel they have to work their team harder than the other ones or they fear they will be laughed at by their coaching peers. It doesn't really matter to me because the way they end up coaching is morale shattering to these kids.
As for me, I can't wait for this season to end. I haven't shared my opinions of Coach Ditka with Drew and Mitch but they are both smart enough to understand that Ditka doesn't think they are good enough to play other than kickoff and kickoff return. I've seen enough screaming from Ditka, witnessed enough hat-throwing by Ditka's assistant coach brother and watched the dreams of too many good kids destroyed for me to want to continue on. While I'm staying on as a coach this season - if only to advocate for all kids to see some playing time during games - I honestly hope this will be my last year on the sidelines.
Bill - Great post. The playground where my boys play at would not allow this type of coaching behavior. That is not saying we do not have any of the MACHO types but there is a way to weed them out through parent evaluations. These evals are taken very seriously and if there is a majority negative feeling about a coach then he is likely gone. I'd start with the playground if I were you.
ReplyDeleteFacts about the season:
ReplyDelete1. Watching film, handing out playbooks... The boys love it! It makes them feel "big" and teaches the fundamentals of football at a higher level, especially for those children who are more visual learners.
2. Getting loud, yelling... These are different from "screaming" at a child. Pointing out a mistake is different from putting a child down and embarrassing them. Even in our school systems, kids are “embarrassed” for acting out by putting their name of the board (in front of their classmates) or even loosing recess time or being sent to the office… all done in front of their peers… talk about EMBARRASSING, right? (Sarcastic) Ha! YES, there is a line that you shouldn’t cross… and, in my opinion of course, the COACH stayed on the safe side of that line. People parent their children in different ways… some show tough love, others baby their children… Maybe these differences are where you and the COACH differ. But, in all honesty… this is football.
3. At least 90% of the team and parents wanted to play for this coach again this year... Hmm, strange right?
4. You fail to mention all the positive and FUN things...
a. PIZZA party at practice provided by the COACH
b. They got to stay in a VERY nice hotel as a team the night before a game in which the COACH paid for and go to dinner at a nice restaurant which the COACH paid for
c. The coach hosted a party at HIS house for the players and parents after a game
d. The coach designed and made an awesome homecoming float for the players to ride in during the parade (the BEST one, in my opinion)
e. The coach ordered the players HOODIES with their numbers and team name on them in which the COACH covered the remaining cost after collecting parent contributions
f. Each player received a GAME BALL which was presented to them after being a "star" during the game... The COACH paid for these game balls and every child had earned one by the end of the season (positive reinforcement?)
g. The COACH hosted an “end of the season” banquet for the team which HE provided a venue, food, drinks, etc.
h. THE COACH BOUGHT EACH CHILD A TROPHY and presented them with this TROPHY at the “end of the season” banquet ( the league does not provide awards unless you win the championship).
i. They had a drink and snack after every game and a banner to run through before every home game.
DO NOT BE FOOLED… These boys had FUN last season… Even your own children, BILL.
As a parent, I understand that sometimes it can be difficult not to speak up and say something when you believe it is wrong, BUT a COACH must maintain some sort of respect from a player in order to maintain control of his team. The same goes for a teacher and her classroom or a boss and his employees. You should always think twice before you challenge a leader’s authority in front of your children because they immediately loose all respect. In the future, keep your opinions to yourself. It only causes/caused tension for the rest of the team… those boys and parents (the other 18 or so) didn’t deserve for you to ruin the rest of their season. Such a SHAME… really.