Let's face it kids, the internet is full of mind-numbing amounts of useless information. Personally, I can spend hours frittering away time floating from one website to the next while accomplishing nothing. My sincere hope is that this little corner of the internet will always remain just as useles as it is today. In fact, that is my pledge to you, dear reader. I promise that this blog will never have any information that you can actually use - rather, it will only contain my mindless musings.


To be candid, it was suggested I start this up by a group of friends on Facebook. And since nobody ever receives bad advice from the internet I dove right in after waiting about 90 days to see if I felt like it. I'll post here from time to time and let you all know when I do.

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Super Bowl Halftime Shows: A Brief History of Mediocrity and Disapointment

I can’t remember the last time the Super Bowl halftime show didn’t break the suck-o-meter.  I’ll grant you that Michael Jackson in 1993, U2 in 2002 and Paul McCartney in 2004 were good but, beyond that, it’s almost as if it’s federally mandated that the Super Bowl halftime show has to be mediocre, disappointing or both.

Oh, it all started out innocently enough as the first twenty halftime shows (through 1987) featured a local college marching band, an aging Hollywood legend (See Rooney, Mickey at Super Bowl XXI) or (gulp!) Up With People.  However, this all started to change in 1988 when the audience was subjected to Chubby Checker.  Gee, I wonder if he sang, “The Twist” followed by “Let’s Twist Again”?  Does that hack have ANY song that doesn’t have to do with twisting?!!?

It’s pretty much downhill from there.  Here are some lowlights:

  • Super Bowl XXIII – Elvis Presto (you read that right) and South Florida dancers
  • Super Bowl XXV – New Kids on the Block and an audience card stunt (Yay!)
  • Super Bowl XXIX – Teddy Pendergrass and Miami Sound Machine (not to be confused with Gloria Estefan AND the Miami Sound Machine – two TOTALLY different groups)
  • Super Bowl XXX – The aging corpse of Diana Ross
  • Super Bowl XXXI – The Blues Brothers (the Jim, not John Belushi variety)
  • Super Bowl XXXIII – Gloria Estefan (without her sound machine from Miami)
  • Super Bowl XXVIII – Janet Jackson’s boobie
  • Super Bowl XLI – Prince without the Raspberry Beret
  • Super Bowl XLIII – Springsteen.  All I remember was him telling me to “put down that guacamole”.  Very creepy.  Even more creepy was the fact that I did put down the guacamole.
  • Super Bowl XLIV – The Who. Roger should always keep his shirt on.

So, this year, in an effort to “bring back the kids” we were subjected to The Black Eyed Peas, Usher and Slash.  First of all, I’d love someone to explain to me what value anyone not named Fergie brings to the band.  Anyone?  I didn’t think so.  Will.I.Am (the only other name I know in the group) is so dependent upon auto-tune he sounds like my kids playing with an app on my iPhone.  The other two (known in this blog as “sunglasses guy” and “light up suit guy”) bring nothing to the stage other than the ability to yell “YEAH!” at the right time.  I will say light up suit guy does a really nice job of pointing to the crowd.

Predictably, they played that “I’ve Got a Feeling” song and it was just as overplayed live as it is on the radio.  Slash came out in a Liberace-inspired sequined top hat which caused 34% of my soul to die on the spot.  Then Usher came out and did some sort of break-dance routine that reminded me of the movie Breakin 2:  Electric Boogaloo.  Then I ate some cocktail weenies wrapped in crescent rolls before taking a long pull on my beer.  Then I started thinking how much I want the NFL and the Players Association to negotiate a collective bargaining agreement. 


Where was I?  Oh, yeah, halftime shows at the Super Bowl suck – and they most likely always will.  Let's just bring back the local marching band and/or Up With People so we can stop worrying about who will suck next year.
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6 comments:

  1. UnknownFebruary 8, 2011 at 4:44 PM

    How appropriate that I write my first Petrie Dish comment as I waste away in bed after being diagnosed with the Flu yesterday...brutal.
    Glad to see you took the plunge my friend---and I agree, SB Halftime shows do indeed suck. So why can't they fill the time with more SB commercials (that don't suck...so...much)

    Great to see your blog brother, great job. See you soon (provided I beat this Flu, seriously this is brutal stuff man). All my best!

    ReplyDelete
  2. A Guy Getting ByFebruary 8, 2011 at 5:16 PM

    Hey it's Paula, on my hubby's account...

    But what about the dance teams, Bill? C'mon, they did contagions and EVERYONE LOVES contagions! And, the Planoettes were dancing, too! I'm mean, where is your school pride?

    Well, thankfully, Fergie didn't pee herself.

    AWESOME blog, m'dear! I wait with anticipation for the next post!

    ReplyDelete
  3. UnknownFebruary 8, 2011 at 7:27 PM

    I have to disagree with you a bit here. I thought Prince was awesome in 2007. Great medley including the Foo Fighters cover Best of You. Plus Purple Rain, come on! Springsteen and E Street was entertaining, played like the last 20 minutes of a concert, in medley form of course, very energetic. Stones, Tom Petty, and the Who sucked. McCartney was good; U2 okay. Aerosmith was cool until they sold out with Nelly, NSync and Britney Spears.

    BEP had potential since they are pretty much the biggest modern, internationally-recognized group. Too bad they are not worth a darn live. Their SNL performance last year was better. Guest performances by Slash and Usher were cool.

    Are you getting too old to appreciate a little youthful sound? Follow up this post with your (serious) recommendations for future halftime shows.

    ReplyDelete
  4. UnknownFebruary 9, 2011 at 7:30 AM

    FYI - Will I Am is a lot smarter than you think. He did a recent interview with NPR on the future of music (social media). I was very impressed and as for Fergie - looks good! lol

    ReplyDelete
  5. The Petrie DishFebruary 9, 2011 at 7:37 AM

    Dana,

    For the record I didn't question Will.I.Am's intelligence. I didn't even question his choice of headwear (although I should have). My point of view was from that of a football fan wanting to be entertained by the BEP's and, I wasn't.

    ReplyDelete
  6. The Petrie DishFebruary 9, 2011 at 7:38 AM

    Nathan,

    Thanks for the comment. I thought Prince was okay but not great and Springsteen has never done it for me. Plus, I really didn't want to put down my guacamole.

    I actually don't mind BEP but they can't bring it live - they are too much a studio creation. While I am getting old, I don't think I'm too old for some youthful noise. And, I think you hit it on the head - the NFL has gone down this path of wanting a kick-ass rock show performance at halftime and there's just not that many musical acts of that type around any longer. Most rock groups just aren't relevant any longer.

    If it has to be a band of some sort, here are some suggestions that I'd like to see:

    * Foo Fighters (will never happen)
    * Justin Timberlake (I'm not a fan but I would bet he would at least entertain)
    * Green Day (will never happen)
    * Spinal Tap (will never happen)
    * Chickenfoot (will never happen)
    * The cast of Glee (it probably should have happened this year)
    * American Idol winners (See "cast of Glee")

    Sadly, I have discussed this issue at length with a friend of mine and we believe that most music acts that have a wide enough appeal or a strong enough legacy to support a full halftime show just aren't relevant. Van Halen would have been GREAT at a halftime show...in 1995. Kiss...maybe in the early 1990's.

    From where I sit, they should just change it to something simple and football related. How about really taking some time and honoring the Hall of Fame inductees with a career retrospective and an interview? I know it will never fly because it's not "kick-ass" enough.

    My $0.02.

    ReplyDelete

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