I’m old. Not in the traditional, “he’s had a long life” way, but in the “music was a hell of a lot better when I was younger” way. While it is a bit sad to come to this realization, I have actually come to both accept and embrace it.
Much like how most of us can recall in vivid detail where we were and what we were doing when we heard David Lee Roth was no longer in Van Halen, I remember the exact moment Father Time tapped me on my man shoulder to tell me I was old: Sunday, February 13, 2011 at 7:28 PM CST. My wife was wielding the remote and scrolling innocuously through the onscreen guide, searching for something all of us could watch. I watched nervously, but silently, as she highlighted the 53rd Annual Grammy Awards - twitching a little as I saw her right thumb hovering over the "select" button. Time stopped as my eyes darted quickly between her thumb and the TV, trying desperately to decide on the correct course of action.
Due to my indecision, I hesitated a moment too long for before I could dive in front of the TV, sacrificing my body to block the signal from the remote control. As I turned to look at the TV, my worst fear had been confirmed: she had switched the channel just as Lady Gaga appeared onstage to sing her new song. Watching my 8 year old twin boys seemingly enjoy the mind-numbing (and Madonna rip off) song/dance routine, I shed a small tear like the American Indian in the old anti-pollution commercial from the 70’s. It was, at that very moment, I felt the tapping of Father Time.
Was the music I liked as a child this horrible? I loved (and still do) Van Halen, Stevie Ray Vaughan, AC/DC and Guns N’ Roses. Heck, I even liked pop music like Duran Duran and the Cure. And, it was all rounded out with a smattering of classic rock like the Beatles, Pink Floyd and Led Zeppelin. No matter what music I was into, I know for a fact there wasn’t a meat dress involved.
This dress short circuits my brain. |
Here is the realization: The music I – we – listened to in high school was just as crappy to our parents as Lady Gaga is to us. In other words, I think I’ve turned into some iPhone-toting version of my parents and that makes me a little sad. I swore that I would never be out of touch with music and that I would always keep an open mind, but I find that increasingly challenging when confronted with pop tarts like Lady Gaga, Ke$ha and Katy Perry. I mean, “Poker Face” is catchy and all but it seems that every other song I hear from Her Meatness is some cheap rip off of Madonna. In fact, at least from my perspective, all Lady Gaga has going for her is continual attempts to shock old farts like me – although it’s not as shocking as it is dumb. For example:
- The Red Hot Chili Peppers wearing only athletic socks over their junk while they played: shocking and funny
- Lady Gaga wearing a side of beef: stupid and, most likely, stinky
So, if this is the direction music is heading, I’m proud to be old. I won’t judge kids for liking what they like as I know that I’m officially “out of it” – and I’m okay with that. It’s not my job as a parent to like the music they like but, at the same time, I’m going to have to hard not to judge it too harshly.
If you look hard enough, there is still quality new music being produced without the liberal use of Auto-Tune: Eric Johnson, Foo Fighters (see - and hear- below) and Snow Patrol are a few examples. But, at least to my aging ears, the vast majority of new music is crap and that, my friends, is just part of getting older like eating dinner at 5:30 PM. Speaking of dinner, is anyone up for a burger? That dress is making me hungry!
Foo Fighters new song, "Rope".